Choices

“Man is nothing else but what he purposes, he exists only in so far as he realizes himself, he is nothing but the sum of his actions.”
Sartre

I have come across this saying a lot this week. Or maybe I am just noticing it at the moment.

Last week I had one of those I'm-25-and-what-do-I-have-to-show-for-myself-moments. I have always maintained that worldly possessions don't mean much to me. Which is probably why I have a car, a couch and a washing machine and not much else to put to my name.

In the past I have always justified by lack of possessions with my 'experience' of the world. I have travelled a bit, but so have most people these days. I can say I've 'done' England, South Africa, Brasil, Holland, but what does that actually mean? I've lived in some of those places, visited others, but for what cause? You experience life regardless of the country you're in. You wake up, search the house for coffee, get some form of transport to your place of employ, spend some time there working or emailing depending on your passion for the job, travel home, cook tea, eat, read a book, go to bed and the cycle starts again. This experience is nothing unique. The coffee may taste better or worse, the transport might be easier or harder to get, the work may be more or less interesting, the country we're in gives us variation, but nothing new.

Am I the sum of my actions? Aren't my actions the results of my choices? Aren't my choices dependant upon my situation? Isn't my situation dependant upon what I have been given?
Who gave me what I have been given? I come unstuck at this point.

Saying that I am the sum of my actions implies that I have control over all of it. But I am not so sure that I do. I was born with a level of intelligence, a level of aptitude to study, a body shape, all that closely matches that of my sisters.
Do I have the freewill to choose anything? Surely my choices are based on what I started with. Are we all born equal?

When I visited my sponsor child in Uganda I was convinced that it isn't true. Thembo will never have the choices that I do. Study at this university or that, travel to this country or that one, go to this restaurant or that theatre. My life is one of privilege. Maybe what Sartre means is that I have the choice to do what I want with that original endowment.

I spent last week in Rockhampton working on a program aiming find jobs for the long-term unemployed in the meat industry. The people I met there don't have the same choices that I do. I came away from that so convicted that I needed to help them. But how? By me deciding that the way I am living my life is the right way and enforcing that upon them?
They too are the sum of their choices, some of them choose not to work. Isn't that their right also? It makes me shudder to think of what happened to the Stolen Generation (and so recently!) But me decideding to get on a crusade to 'help' people might be exactly the same thing. For so long we (not sure who I mean by we, but roll with me) have decidedwhat should happen to the underprivileged in our society. We'll give them this or that benefit, put them through this training program, take away their money and their only source to food unless they attend our schools. Is this the right way? Who am I to tell another man what he should do with his life? Where does my authority come from?

I am more than the sum of my actions. I am the sum of my birth, my family, my friends, the amazing people I've met along the way, my education, my culture, my experience of the world. Some of these things were gifts of my situation, others the results of my choices. By believing we are simply the sum of our actions and choices we inadvertently condemn the man who has not made the choices to pull himself from his situation. But was he born with the same gifts as I? Are the choices I'm making even a valid benchmark to measure against? I am not so sure.

My choices make a difference. But I want to be sure that those choices work for good. Not just my perception of good, but true, honest, real good. What that is I am not sure, I only have my own bias instinct to judge from. But I am going to be sure to ask before I decide. To think before I act. To consider before I judge. Life is a gift, and what we do with it is our choice. I want to make the right one.