$200

It's raining in Brisbane at the moment. I watched the water slosh from side to side with each corner I turned on the way to work this morning. Full puddle this time. Looks like the Maccas cup is going to have to become a permanent safety feature again, don't want the passengers drowning now do we?

My good friend Mikey brought a car two weeks ago. Same model as mine, only better. His is 6 years younger, has power steering, air conditioning, 4 doors, no leaks, and the locks actually work. He paid $200 for that car. $200! What does that make mine worth? $40? I bought a dress on the weekend that only cost that much! Surely a car is worth more? Isn't it?

To top it all off one of my tires has decided to go flat a bit. I've had to allow an extra 5 mins to my commute so I can stop at the petrol station and put more air in it. If my car is only worth $40 surely it's not worth paying whatever it'll be to get the tyre fixed??

I feel disillusioned and upset. I love my car. How could it be worth so little?? :-)

Choices

“Man is nothing else but what he purposes, he exists only in so far as he realizes himself, he is nothing but the sum of his actions.”
Sartre

I have come across this saying a lot this week. Or maybe I am just noticing it at the moment.

Last week I had one of those I'm-25-and-what-do-I-have-to-show-for-myself-moments. I have always maintained that worldly possessions don't mean much to me. Which is probably why I have a car, a couch and a washing machine and not much else to put to my name.

In the past I have always justified by lack of possessions with my 'experience' of the world. I have travelled a bit, but so have most people these days. I can say I've 'done' England, South Africa, Brasil, Holland, but what does that actually mean? I've lived in some of those places, visited others, but for what cause? You experience life regardless of the country you're in. You wake up, search the house for coffee, get some form of transport to your place of employ, spend some time there working or emailing depending on your passion for the job, travel home, cook tea, eat, read a book, go to bed and the cycle starts again. This experience is nothing unique. The coffee may taste better or worse, the transport might be easier or harder to get, the work may be more or less interesting, the country we're in gives us variation, but nothing new.

Am I the sum of my actions? Aren't my actions the results of my choices? Aren't my choices dependant upon my situation? Isn't my situation dependant upon what I have been given?
Who gave me what I have been given? I come unstuck at this point.

Saying that I am the sum of my actions implies that I have control over all of it. But I am not so sure that I do. I was born with a level of intelligence, a level of aptitude to study, a body shape, all that closely matches that of my sisters.
Do I have the freewill to choose anything? Surely my choices are based on what I started with. Are we all born equal?

When I visited my sponsor child in Uganda I was convinced that it isn't true. Thembo will never have the choices that I do. Study at this university or that, travel to this country or that one, go to this restaurant or that theatre. My life is one of privilege. Maybe what Sartre means is that I have the choice to do what I want with that original endowment.

I spent last week in Rockhampton working on a program aiming find jobs for the long-term unemployed in the meat industry. The people I met there don't have the same choices that I do. I came away from that so convicted that I needed to help them. But how? By me deciding that the way I am living my life is the right way and enforcing that upon them?
They too are the sum of their choices, some of them choose not to work. Isn't that their right also? It makes me shudder to think of what happened to the Stolen Generation (and so recently!) But me decideding to get on a crusade to 'help' people might be exactly the same thing. For so long we (not sure who I mean by we, but roll with me) have decidedwhat should happen to the underprivileged in our society. We'll give them this or that benefit, put them through this training program, take away their money and their only source to food unless they attend our schools. Is this the right way? Who am I to tell another man what he should do with his life? Where does my authority come from?

I am more than the sum of my actions. I am the sum of my birth, my family, my friends, the amazing people I've met along the way, my education, my culture, my experience of the world. Some of these things were gifts of my situation, others the results of my choices. By believing we are simply the sum of our actions and choices we inadvertently condemn the man who has not made the choices to pull himself from his situation. But was he born with the same gifts as I? Are the choices I'm making even a valid benchmark to measure against? I am not so sure.

My choices make a difference. But I want to be sure that those choices work for good. Not just my perception of good, but true, honest, real good. What that is I am not sure, I only have my own bias instinct to judge from. But I am going to be sure to ask before I decide. To think before I act. To consider before I judge. Life is a gift, and what we do with it is our choice. I want to make the right one.

What do you do when your foot turns blue??

Well, I think I have finally been taught my lesson. I have heard it said that I have an argumentative streak (I don't believe it :-) and this Friday it finally came to a head (or should I say a foot {sorry, can't help myself}).


I was at Lina's place celebrating her and Mikey's birthday (congratulations to you both again) when Greg and Mic started a theological debate with me. If we're going to be totally honest it might have been me who started the debate with them, but in any case, there was a debate underway.

Now it is my general habit, in such situations, to let my opinion be heard, or at least voiced, [although, if I am allowed to be honest again, if I don't think you've heard it, I am quite likely to repeat it]. And this is when it all started. One minute I was innocently standing on the veranda, voicing my opinion, and the next, I was on my ass {looking like an ass} trying my best to stand up again. The trouble was, you see, there was water all over the tiles, so even once I had fallen, I was still unable to get up, and spent (what felt like) the next minute or so trying to get my footing back. I looked like one of those 2 year old you see on ice skates. But worse, because I'm 25 and was still trying to keep from spilling my wine.


Anyway, after all the hullabaloo I decided that my ankle was quite sore and that it might have been time for me to sit down. So I did. Greg and Mic were very accommodating (or foolish??) and came and sat next to me so that the debate could continue. By the time we decided to leave Corinne had to almost carry me into the cab, and then out of the cab, and then up the giant driveway, and then into the kitchen for a cuppa. It was quite an evening.


So over the weekend I kept a close eye on the foot progress. It started to grow you see. Sideways. And then yesterday, it started to turn blue. It was a light sky blue at first, but now, it's a deep thunderstorm blue. I had a family gathering yesterday for Opa's {happy birthday to you too} and mum took one look at the foot and decided it was broken, and then it was all on. Opa getting bandages, Oma looking for a safety pin, mum wrapping, concerned aunts and uncles asking if I had fallen because I had been drinking too much [which of course I hadn't]. I had negotiated with Kathleen and settled on a pharmacist rather than an doctor.. I really don't like going to see them. But after a while all the fussing started to have an affect on me, and today I gave into pressure and went to see a doctor. He gave me a referral and I went for an x-ray this arvo. I'm fairly sure that it's not broken, I'd give it about a 89% that it's not. But, as they say, better to be safe. It would have been better if someone would have said that on Friday, when I was arguing in the water.. but anyway.


I have included photos for your viewing pleasure. Sorry about all the brackets too (I just love them at the moment, can't get enough) :-)


The first one is Saturday's swelling, and the other is today's midnight blue.

Middle Age

There are a number of rights of passage recognised by society to be significant landmarks along the road to middle age. Your first drink at 18 (or 12 if you managed to find the key to the liquor cabinet), the first time you vote, your first car, your first wedding, your first kid (and even the the rest that follow) your first early retirement package, first grandkids. We all get excited, write cards, buy gifts, have a party, drink beer and recognise that this event denotes one more step towards 'growing up'.

A significant event happened on Sunday which made me feel as if I had finally stepped into my adult life, and you know what the worst thing is? No one seemed to see the significance of the event. Sure, Janelle and Corinne were excited, but I have a sneaking suspicion it was more about getting things clean than it was about my passage into middle age.

I bought my first white good. I own a VB sofa, a crappy almost dead car, and a 2nd hand (but still quite lovely) Samsung 5.5kg washing machine. So now I can drive to my house, sit on my couch, and listen to my washing go round. It may not sound like a complete life to some, but this is the closest to adulthood that I have ever come, and I must say, I am just a little proud :-)

Done & Done

I have been thinking about posting this for a while, but I haven't been feeling very inspired, or interested, or even slightly animated. So I decided to wait until I was. That was on Thursday. It's Monday. So I am just going to give up and post.

It's not like I have anything that profound to say anyway. Just that I finished my first semester back at uni. I am now 1/2 way through my undergrad. I am excited. And tired. And getting old :-)

In an attempt to make this post a little more interesting - here is a photo of my desk. I spent a lot of time here over the last 3 months, probably not as much time as I should have... but that is another issue. The photo is of all the papers I had to read this semester... Me look smart eh??

New Limits

With the recent heavy rainfall in Brisbane I have taken to warning passengers not to put anything on the floor when taking a ride in Clemmy. The leak is back. I'm glad to say that it's not as bad as it used to be, back in the days when we'd use a Maccas cup to bail the puddles before any journey in the wet, but there are some very little puddles. Cute ones really.

While at work yesterday morning I tried to take full advantage of the drying power in the momentary sunshine, and left my windows down a bit to let the steam off. You see, if there is no escape, the car fogs up to point where it really does become quite difficult to see. I was trying to do the right thing you know. But lately my mind has been a little absent, or maybe just focused on other things, or something. I was boiling water to cook my two minute noodles for dinner the other night and sat down just to make a few corrections on my latest philosophy essay and came back twenty minutes later to see the last of the water attempting to boil itself dry. What if I hadn't have come back into the kitchen for a cup of tea? Would I have remembered the noodles at all? Anyway, all this is to say that I have been a little vague lately, and not quite on the top of my game. So yesterday, when I left the windows open to let the steam out, I forgot to close them when I got home and inadvertently let more rain in. Opps.

So this morning, when I went to take Pees out to breakfast, (yep, I'm that posh, I even let her order a Bacon and Egg McMuffin MEAL!) I mentioned to her that maybe she should put her handbag on the back seat, you know, with the puddles and all. I was in the middle of telling her that it wasn't that bad, and how Clemmy and I had made our peace about the leaking when she saw it. She yelled a bit, and then laughed, ohh how she laughed.

There was a little tree beginning to grow on the passenger seat floor of my car. A tree! It's only about 1cm high at the moment, but it will grow. And even if I weed my car, who is to say that another will not grow in its place?

This has only happened today, and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. Part of me is embarrassed, my car is that dirty that it can grow things. Although I have to admit, another part of me is a little proud. Clemmy really does have it all. Can your car grow trees?

Pumpkin Rollin'

Dad and Sue introduced me to Pumpkin Rolling this weekend. Can't say I had ever heard of it before. Can't say I really believe I will ever come across it again. We drove 4 hours each way to Goomeri to see the pumpkins. There were big ones, small ones, some as big as your head, some even dressed up as penguins. There were camels in hats and men cracking whips, yummy icecream and baked potatos. All I can say in summary is that rural australia knows how to have a street festival. And I've got the photos to proove it.

What could be worse than a pub with no beer???

A pub with beer, that won't serve it! Before you go thinking that maybe I'd had a few too many and they were right to say no, hear me out.

Last night, after a hard hard day at the office, we decided it was time to let our hair down (maybe that's not the best way to put it considering I have the longest hair in the group, but you get the point) and head to the pub. Being a uni student and therefore no longer able to afford cab-fare, it was decided we would go to Kathleen's local and then walk back to her place and crash there. Good plan me thinks...

But no. Seriously, no longer than 15 seconds after we walk into the pub, which I must admit was a little seedy, there was a massive bang and all the lights went out. And I thought the place was seedy before! anyway, once calm was restored by the bored angry looking bargirl she goes and decides that she can't possibly serve anymore, because they can't use the till. There must have been a generator, because the beer was still pouring and there were some emergency lights on. BUT THE TILL! Life cannot happen without the till!! We offered to pay cash, but no go. We offered for them to keep the change, no go. We offered to drink the beer out of the fridge, so they didn't have to pour, no go. Should we have offered to go behind the bar and work the maths ourselves?

I don't think she wanted to be there, this bored looking angry bargirl. But you see she was. She was there and it was her job to serve beer. That's just the way life is. Now I am not suggesting that this is the most important thing that has ever happened to me, but there is a moral here. Somewhere.

You see I worked at Payless Shoes at Mt Ommaney for 4 years. 4. Over the summer break, I'd work as much as I could to get cash together. Summer + Brisbane + shoes = BAD smells. Bad, bad smells. We used to walk around with airfreshner in our pockets and spray the isles when no one was looking. Even Mountin Fresh is better that cheap nasty foot smells in Brisbane. Anyway, one day I quit my job. I'd had enough. The smell was too much. That night I went to the pub, (this one served beer) filled in a little form and won myself the most amazing couch ever! So what is the moral? Thank you for asking, I was just about to get to that. The point is, good things happen when you quit bad jobs.

To you - bored angry looking bargirl, I say quit! Be free. And if you are going to stay there, get a calculator - no pub should not serve beer.

Red and Blue flashing lights..

Was driving tonight, at about 8.30, through the middle of Graceville, Graceville of all places! and there, in my rear view mirror, were some red and blue flashing lights. Opps. That was my first thought. I can't have been speeding, I was driving Clemmy. That was my second thought.

Turns out they just wanted to sample my breath. I gave it to them. They looked suspiciously at my crappy old car... and let me be on my marry way. So on my way I went, marry and just a little nervous.

Procrastination???

Decided that I was going to study over the Easter break, and while I managed to get a bit in, I had a lot more fun burning the backyard. You see we rented this great place but to be honest it doesn't look like the yard has been looked after in years.

Nel and I got out the other day and chopped a fair bit down, but then we had to deal with the problem of where to put it all... it's not easy in QLD where there are no green waste bins. So we decided to have a bit of an authentic fire BBQ.

It's been years since I lit a fire and I'm glad to say that I've still got it. Years of day camp and a bit of time on the farm and what do you know???

We put some jacket potatoes in there for dinner which turned out fantastically. Decided that damper is my next mission, not sure if they still even sell Golden Syrup though....

UQ

So after 4 very difficult, challenging, full weeks we are finally going to get a break from uni :-) Jokes, but seriously, I think I could get used to this!

Uni is going ok so far. The content is interesting, and (for the moment anyway) I think it is even going to be interesting enough for me to finish it!

Our house is great. Haven't got any photos yet, but it's all going really well. I finally moved in with all my stuff for the first time in about 6 years. And, most exciting of all I am living with my VB couch!

Not sure if I have told that story yet... It was a cold and wintry night. Nah, jokes, it was stinking hot in Brisbane, and I had just finally after many summers of stinky feet quit my job at Payless Shoes. Amy and Corinne took me out to celebrate at the Indro Ho. On my round I went to buy a jug of VB (alright, I know, it was all I could afford at the time) and the lady asked me to fill my details on a card to go into a draw for something or other.

It turned out to be other. Seriously 6 months later while I was home from the farm for a weekend I got a call saying that I had won a 3 seater VB green velvet couch. It was possibly one of the best things that ever happened to me :-)

The point of all this, was that since I have never properly living in Brisbane for the last while, and mum isn't too bigger fan of VB green, the couch has been living at Kate and Gordon's place (bless them) and only now have I finally been able to live with it. I've included photos for your reference, just in case you were having a little trouble picturing it.



In other exciting news I have taken up Dragon Boat Racing. Well, not really taken up, I should more say I am going to try.. One of the girls said that I should bring a towel! Really, really not planning on swimming in the Brisbane River.

Road Trip Update

The funny thing with life is that after you make decisions you kinda have to follow through with them. Going back to uni seemed like a good idea at the time.. But then I had to quit my job, pack my stuff, and hardest of all say goodbye to Pees and Bev. Who moves out of a place where there is free rent, packed lunches and a hot cup of tea ready for you when you wake up in the morning???? Melbourne is a great city, made so much better by my sister and her friends. Awesome girls.

Anyway, this post was supposed to be about the road trip.. To preface the whole thing I should probably update you on the state of my car. After approx 8 years of neglect when I came back from my trip a few months ago it became clear that the car would need some work. A lot of work actually. So I fixed everything they told me to and I think my car is now about 50% new. Which sounds good, but unfortunately none of this is reflected in anything external.

Infact the outside of the car is getting worse. The windscreen wipers are so rusty they are almost falling off, and someone tried to break into the car in Melbourne, so now only one of the locks works. But the car has now become a bit of a diamond in the rough so to speak, looks terrible, but really, really, deep, deep down, the car is a gem.

Sorry, I digress, the point was to tell of the epic road trip embarked upon to go start uni. I finished work on Friday and Pees and her makes organised a bit of a dinner party, so we drank lots of wine and ate lots of food, as you do. Then on Saturday morning I headed off far too early in the morning. Long drive that one, especially on your own. I arrived at the Palace in sydney at about 6pm.

Had a bit of a mad time in SY catching up with everyone, playing pool, drinking wine, watching people make icing for a cake in the carpark. Then when I was on my way to catch up with Ads someone decided to run into me. Little bugger. It was like one of those slow motion accidents where you can see them coming for you and begin to yell at them to stop before they smack into your car. So now Clemmy is sporting some scratches down her left side. I was thinking about it and I have decided I don't mind too much. That's not the side I use regularly anyway..

So after all that Emma and I left Sydney at about 4pm. We decided just to see how far we could get and then find a motel where ever we could. After the last experience with the weird man in leather we were keen to keep it safe.

We got into Coffs at about 10.30 only to find the Formula 1 was closed. But that is where things get cool. They have these touch-pad-atm-like-machine-things outside their motels, and all you have to do is enter some details and your credit card and it spits out a key! Welcome to the 21st Century!

We woke to some fantastic news about Amy and Chris which started the day off just right. And then headed back to Vegas. Got to tell you, by the time I got here I was weird. You know those so-tired-moments when the sentences don't seem to be able to connect into one another? Well the last couple of days have been them.

Today is the day that we move into our new place! Excited! and I need to go to uni to get other stuff sorted (not so exciting, but important all the same) I will be sure to post some photos of the new place when I can.

Memory lane

Just sat for a bit and read through the blog. Geez there is some rubbish on here. You would think, posting it out there for anyone to read, that I would be a little more careful with what I wrote, but nope, not really. There are bits when I'm mad, bit where I happy, mostly bits where it's really late at night and I am sitting around with my laptop for a bit before I go to bed. Weird hey? Like, imagine what our grandparents generation would think of that.

When Elissa went on exchange we used to write her letters and we were able to call only once a month. When Carly went, we used to log on to check the family email account twice a week, then, secretly, I set up my own account (imagine that!) so that I could speak to Pees with mumbles reading. When I went to Brazil we spoke once a week, and emailed almost daily when I was living in my second house there. Now, you just get on skype, enable webcam and you talk for free.

Sometimes I worry that all of this is going to leave me behind soon... Maybe it has, maybe no one blogs any more, and this is one of the things of old. I mean, I can't even get the DVD player to work. If I match up the coloured cables and it doesn't play on the screen, what do I do then?? My husband, who ever he may be, would want to be good at that sort of stuff. There are other talents I have that I cna bring to the relationship. I make good tea. Last week we learnt how to make Peach Jam and a little more interestingly Peach Schnapps.

Anyway, before I digress too much, things have changed. And I was just sitting around wondering at what point I would stop changing and moving with what was happening, or maybe if I had already and just not noticed. Maybe that's what happens to all of us.

The Time Has Come.

As of 25 Feb I am going to be a uni student again. Can you believe that they still hold a place at UQ after you defer for 6 years?

Bachelor of Arts double major in psych. Me gonna b smart eh?!

The GREAT Ocean Road

So I did something new the other day. I went on a holiday by myself. Never tried that one before. Sure I have travelled alone, but going on a holiday is different. But I'm telling you, it's awesome.

I have been to Melbourne a few times now, but never seen anything of Victoria, so I took advantage of my enemployed status and hit the Great Ocean Road. It is such an amazing drive. I stayed in a little town called Camperdown, about an hour out of Warrnambool and spent 3 days just chillin around, having a look at stuff.

Next time I do this drive, I definately want to do it in a car that is a little more fancy that my 20 year old Mazda, but considering her age, Clemmy did herself proud me thinks.

The current plan has me in Melbourne for at least another month or so, and I am definatly looking to try and get a few more road trips in there. This place has everything!

So this is what there is to see:

These are the rocks

More rocks.

Me with the rocks.

Clemmy soaking up the view.

How scary is this sign? Considering this is about 500km from the nearest airport, you'd want to hope that by the time they got here they would have figured it out??? :-)

And then, I took a C grade road. I knew that in the UK A road were good, B roads were ok, and C roads, well C roads you take what you can get. Forgetting all this applied in Australia I took a C road, and well, I got what I was given. It got a bit rocky there in my little beast, Clemmy doesn't have the biggest wheels in the world, but after about an hour of bumping along this dirt track I made my way back.